Here’s a job opportunity that isn’t commonly advertised.
Imagine a scenario where there is no “work-life balance”—your existence is your job… with work occurring all seven days?
Did I say days? I actually meant days and nights, because the position I’m referencing requires you to understand that weekends and evenings are also part of the routine, and that “it’s acceptable to send messages at 3am.”
Additionally, I hope you’re not the type who prefers to work in their pajamas; you must be seated in a chair in a Madison Avenue office in New York City, where you need the stamina to “run through walls to get things accomplished” and reply to inquiries “in minutes (or seconds) rather than hours.”
To enhance this already enticing offer, the job includes numerous intangible perks, such as amazing coworkers. The kind of coworkers who aren’t hesitant to be “extremely bothersome if it means winning.” The kind of coworkers who will “check in on matters 10 times daily” and “double (or quadruple) message if someone hasn’t replied”—and they’ll call that individual too. The kind of coworkers who have “a significant chip on their shoulder and/or a neurodivergent mind.”
Indeed, I’m referring to “A-players.” There are no “B-players” in this environment, as we all recognize that B-players are inadequate. However, if by some chance the organization does hire someone who “isn’t an A-player,” there’s a method to rectify it: “Fast firing.”
“Please be comfortable with this,” prospective hires are instructed.
“Only A-players can recruit A-players,” proclaims the organization, and you can tell it consists of A-players because its latest Team page (which has since been taken down) was composed entirely of youthful men and an AI-augmented HR dog named Hurin who “enforces the 7-day work week & remote prohibition.”
