Hello Unpleasant,
I’m 47 and have developed a sensitivity to odors – especially those from fabric softeners and perfumes. I prefer not to be around individuals who use strong fragrances, as they make me feel nauseated.
There’s a boy in my area that my kids occasionally want to hang out with, but I hesitate to allow him in our home because the scent of softener around him is overpowering. I want to avoid telling them they can’t play together. How should I address this matter with my children and the boy regarding why he can’t come inside to play?
– Tired of Fragrance
I empathize: the pursuit of smelling “nice” has never been such a lucrative industry.
The fragrance sector was the fastest-expanding segment among mass beauty retailers during the first half of 2025, following a prolonged surge in perfume popularity that has trained consumers to mask their own natural scents with all-over deodorants; reapply special scents for the body, hair, genitals and/or testicles; and saturate their apparel in “laundry cocktails” comprising multiple products.
The hashtag #PerfumeTikTok has amassed 4.8 million posts. Sprays are regarded as status indicators. People spend $4,000 on discontinued fragrances and wish for companies to introduce larger bottles. The market is so competitive that Sephora, Ulta, and TikTok Shop are involved in an “intense ‘fragrance battle” – and consumers are bearing the brunt. We have collectively splurged $85.6 billion down the drain this year, cost-of-living crisis notwithstanding.
What can be attributed to this irrational adoration for scents? My perspective: scientific research indicates that scent molecules head straight to the brain’s emotional center and avoid the part responsible for logic; hence, the irrational fixation! (And Avon’s latest aptly named fragrance line, Perfect Nonsense.)
However, a more reasoned theory is presented by Cari Casteel, a University of Buffalo professor who suggested that pandemic-related isolation “de-trained some individuals to the typical scent of their fellow humans, and that upon reuniting, … heightened awareness of others’ smells has induced heightened anxiety about our own scent,” as reported by the Atlantic. In uncertain and unhealthy periods, deodorants, colognes, and fabric softeners may offer sensations of control, cleanliness, and wellness.
The irony – as you’re aware – is that fragrances can make many individuals unwell.
A 2019 study of residents across the US, Australia, UK, and Sweden found that up to one in three respondents reported sensitivities to fragrances. Common symptoms of this (under-researched and under-explained) condition include nasal congestion, watery eyes, headaches, migraines, skin irritations, asthma episodes, dizziness, and fainting.
“Approximately 20% of ingredients in fragrances are [potential] allergens,” states Lindsay Dahl, an expert in environmental health and author of Cleaning House. Allergens can be found in both natural and synthetic products – and even in purportedly “fragrance-free” products, which often “use fragrances to disguise the underlying components,” Dahl explains.
“It’s estimated that the quantity of fragrances in consumer goods has increased twofold since 1990,” she continues, which may clarify your increased sensitivity in later life. Women are also “two to three times more prone” to have adverse reactions to these substances. “The theory is that women encounter more scents throughout their daily lives including household cleaners, beauty items, laundry detergents, and work-related exposure,” according to Dahl.
In your instance, add play dates to the mix.
My recommendation for what to convey to your children and their detergent-scented buddy about why he cannot visit is to say nothing – at least initially. This should be a discussion with the child’s guardians or parents.
It’s a sensitive matter. First, understand that informing a family that their scent makes you sick is essentially telling them they smell unpleasant. And since smell is never neutral – it’s racialized, classed, and deeply cultural – even well-intentioned comments can come off as critical or reinforce outdated stigmas that categorize certain communities as “dirty,” “poor,” or “uncivilized.”
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That doesn’t imply you cannot establish health-related boundaries! It simply means being particularly thoughtful, especially if you are white, affluent, or otherwise privileged, and especially if the family involved has a different racial, economic, or cultural background.
When addressing the parents, be direct yet gentle. Do not bring up their fabric softener. Concentrate on your needs, not their laundry. You might try: “Just so you are aware, I’m sensitive to fragrances and they can make me feel ill, so we can’t really have play dates inside our home. My children really love playing with [insert name here], and he’s always welcome to join us outside or at the park any time!”
If your children inquire as to why their friend cannot come inside, there’s no need to specifically mention his scent. Describe your sensitivity – “It’s similar to a peanut allergy in my nose” – and position it as a household guideline. This way, your children won’t perceive it as hindering a friendship, and the boy won’t feel shamed for his fabric softener.
Lastly, a piece of advice for those infatuated with scents: now that you’ve learned 33% of individuals around you may have negative reactions to your fragrance, consider easing up on the scents. Or apply before bedtime instead! You might save yourself some funds – and spare someone else from a headache.
