The prosecution: Parveen
Joe asserts ‘buns’ refers to all confections in the north, but I fear he’ll return with a burger bun
My spouse, Joe, categorizes all sweet items into one group, which I find perplexing. Occasionally, he ventures out to procure something sweet for breakfast at the bakery, but I can never anticipate what he will return with. I might request a sweet pastry, and instead, he’ll come back with a cake. A cake isn’t the same as a pain au chocolat.
Even more frustrating is his peculiar habit of labeling all sweet treats as “buns,” regardless of their type. I can’t comprehend why he refrains from using their actual names. When I express a desire for dessert in the evening, his response is: “I’ll pick us up some buns on my way home from work.” To me, that suggests he’s about to bring back burger buns.
Joe’s terminology about food is utter disarray. He needs to take notes from grocery stores: it’s essential to categorize food items clearly. Joe maintains that “buns” can encompass any kind of cake, and that in Rotherham, where his family hails from, everything from cakes to biscuits and sponges is termed “buns.” He defends this by insisting the term “cake” is nonsensical to him, as it can also refer to fishcakes and savory cakes. I believe that’s a flawed comparison.
His custom also induces me anxiety. I perpetually dread that when I’m yearning for a delightful sweet treat, he’ll offer me a dry burger bun.
I doubt Joe understands the variety of desserts available because he’s a vegan. Perhaps he lumps these distinctly different confections under the “bun” label because he hasn’t experienced what real desserts taste like and fails to differentiate between them.
I don’t wish to seem anti-northern, but I had never encountered the term “bun” being used to signify all desserts before, and I find it hard to accept. Additionally, Joe was born in Watford; it’s merely his family that resides up north. Though it’s considerate of him to fetch sweet delights for me from the bakery, it often leads to waste, as I end up consuming pastries and cakes I didn’t desire, due to his inability to distinguish between various sweet items.
“Bun” is applicable when referring to an iced bun, yet categorizing a pastry or dessert as such is excessive.
The defence: Joe
Regional variations in language are simply part of the charm – after all, isn’t sugar just sugar?
Parveen is correct about a few points. I’m generally less inclined towards sweets than she is. And I don’t really indulge in sweet things for breakfast. I just stick to plain oats.
Thus, I’ve had to pick up from her that having a cake for breakfast is atypical, and if Parveen states, “I desire something sweet from the bakery,” she specifically means a pastry. However, if I’ve been instructed to fetch a pastry and they are out of stock, I’ll just grab a cake, biscuits, or chocolate as a substitute. Parveen will get irritated. She’ll assert it’s an insufficient replacement, calling it “random” to swap a pastry with biscuits. Yet they’re both sweet.
Parveen absolutely dislikes it when I say “I’ll grab a bun on my way home” because it leaves her confused about my intentions. But sweet treats are merely sweet treats, and I’ll pick whatever catches my eye in the supermarket. I do try to obtain what she prefers, but surely sugar is sugar, so how significant is it really? I don’t believe it relates to my being vegan either.
I acknowledge there are distinctions, yet I refer to cakes, cupcakes, and assorted sweet items as “buns.” I despise the term “cupcake” as well as “baked goods.”
I have fond memories of visiting my grandmother’s house on weekends and enjoying an iced bun or a cake adorned with chocolate icing and sprinkles, or a mini Bakewell tart. My mum and gran would label all of them as buns. I realize they differ significantly, but that was how I was raised.
I wasn’t raised in Rotherham; I might be a faux northerner, but I believe embracing regional language differences is all part of the fun. Recently, when I brought this disagreement up with my mum, I pointed at a cake, and she said, “Yes, that’s a sponge bun.” Parveen was even more bewildered.
We’ve been together for four years, and throughout that duration, I’ve discovered that sweet substitutes should be closely related, but I see nothing wrong with using “bun” to describe all of them. A sweet is indeed a sweet.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Joe clarify when talking about sweet treats?
I fully support preserving authentic regional slang, but Joe’s remark, “a sweet is a sweet,” comes across as deliberate incompetence … Joe is guilty, but just barely. Perhaps a compromise: Parveen could afford to accept the chaos a bit if Joe would stop feigning ignorance about what a pastry is!
Rich, 31
Parveen ought to appreciate Joe’s gestures, even when they aren’t flawless each time. And maybe Joe could exhibit a bit more interest in what she desires that evening to circumvent the anxiety over burger buns.
Ellie, 28
Parveen “lives in constant fear” of which sweet delicacy her husband will bring home, instead of explicitly requesting what she desires. Joe isn’t particularly fond of sweet treats and requires clear directions when asked to obtain some.
Polly, 34
Parveen should instruct Joe, as if addressing an online grocery order, “No substitutions.” Alternatively, she could accompany him to the bakery and turn it into a teaching moment. It’s evident that for Joe, “bun” uniformly refers to a sweet baked good, and Parveen should simply adapt to that (just as I’ve had to learn, as an expat residing in this country, that “pudding” equates to dessert).
Katherine, 60
Parveen should consider herself fortunate to have a caring partner who takes the time to fetch buns for her after work. What does a name really signify? That which we refer to as a rose, by any other name, would smell just as sweet.
Jethro, 54
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, share your thoughts: Should Joe cease labeling anything sweet as a bun?
The poll concludes on Tuesday 23 December at 9am GMT
Last week’s results
We inquired if aspiring influencer Marielle should discontinue utilizing her friend for content.
99% of you responded affirmatively – Marielle is guilty
1% of you replied negatively – Marielle is not guilty
